Blog

To sum up the life of such a great man in one word is difficult so here is the phrase I think about when I think of you…

Love by choice…

Love for a Country you served, by choice.

Love for a family even through the distance, by choice.

Love for my mother, by choice.

Love for three boys who you always called sons, by choice.

Love for my grandparents, by choice.

I can still remember the video you shot of one of Papa’s last hunts.  They scared up a covey of quail and turned towards you to shot.  It was funny to see the camera almost fall to the ground as you said “Oh shit” and ducked to get out of the way.

In one of the darkest times in my life, I wasn’t communicating with anyone, and you called me.  I will never forget your words.  You told me I needed to call my mother.  That I hadn’t talked to her in a while and she was feeling it.

I was obedient and life was good again.

You loved me enough to pick up the phone and make that call.

So you gave your love by choice and that is a legacy that will live on forever.

Thank you for being the father that you didn’t have to be.

I will never forget all I have learned from you.

With love that will never die, from your oldest son,

Matt

How to measure a man.

How do you measure a mans life. Do you look at his possessions. Do you look at the positions he held. Do you look at his bank account?

I think not… I think you measure a mans life by the love he gave. By those he influenced. By those lives that were impacted by him. That is how you measure a man.

As I sit around with Family during this holiday season, waiting for Roger to pass away, I am reminded of the blessing of life.

He was a good, kind man and showed me strength. He showed me respect. He gave me love, hope, joy and peace. He gave himself to us in a way that cannot be measured. He showed love by treating me like I was his own son. He should me hope, that life and the future can be great. He gave me joy knowing my family was protected. He gave me peace by giving his blessings on my life’s ventures. The last thing I needed from Roger was to bless my decision to marry Simone. He granted that and said you always have my blessing. He will always be missed. He will always be loved and true love never dies.

It’s late at night and I sit watching over him.

His breathing is labored and he is restless, but I feel this is where I am supposed to be.

The lord gives us strength in many ways. Sometimes it takes that strength to get by even if it means using it to watch over a dying loved one.

We live in a cruel dark world but from time to time the light shows through even to our darkest places. That’s where I am. In tears I know that love prevails and lives forever. No amount of pain can take that away.

He will be missed when he is gone but for now he is still here and I will most gladly cherish every moment I have with him.

The Bible says that God knew us before he formed us. It means that no matter the path in life taken, no matter how you have been, what you have done or who you have become, it is not a surprise to God.  This is a verse I live by. Somehow 69 years ago today was born a man I consider closer than a brother.  A man that God knew would be needed by someone in a greater way than could be explained.  A random God given meeting brought us together.  That was over 15 years ago.  This man has been a friend, a brother, a prayer partner and counselor to me.  I don’t always understand why God does what he does but he somehow saw fit to bring us together.  Through thick and thin through good times and times of hell, we have been there for each other.  For this I am eternally grateful.  It’s hard to explain our bond but those who have had the deep experience of truly knowing someone can understand.  To my true friend and brother Ron, I say with all my heart, I love you and Happy Birthday.  May everyday be filled with joy and peace and all the blessings you deserve.  God is amazing.

I have never written about this in my blog postings before but here it goes… I am Bipolar Type 2 rapid cycling. What that means scientifically is that the chemicals in my brain are jacked up and I go from Manic to Depressed in a rapid cycling mode, sometimes several times a day. I am on medication for it and follow certain routines to keep it under control. It has cost me a lot in life to be this way. It will cost me much more in the future. It has been very difficult since I was diagnosed in 2012 but most of the difficulty comes from all of the years that I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Know I know that God “knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb” so I don’t have any doubts I was supposed to be this way for some greater purpose of His but again, it has been extremely difficult.
I awoke this morning in kind of a funk about things so I decided to read my Bible. As it turns out, which doesn’t happen much, the pages fell open to 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verses 7-10. In this passage Paul writes “Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a messenger of Satan to torment me-to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored The Lord three (hundred thousand-personal experience added) times that it may leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so the power of Christ May dwell with me.”
After reading the passage it hit me, I am walking through this world boasting about the wrong things. See I work and live in an ego driven environment where everyone boasts/brags about what their strengths are. As a manager I have even found myself asking the question in interviews of potential new employees. I have decided to stop asking the question. I have decided to stop trying to live my life pleasing people with what i am strong in. I have decided to let people see the real Matt (if they can’t handle it, that is on them). Oh I won’t stop using my strengths when God needs me to but I won’t hide in the shadows of my strengths for my sake.
So I declare this day and in the days to come, “most gladly, I will boast about my weakness, so the power of Christ May dwell with me”.
I will Stop boasting about the wrong things…

Last month I flew to Denver for a company conference.  On the way back I was sitting in the window seat, I always like to sit there if possible, just looking out at the sky and the ground which was 41,000 feet below.  As I was looking out I noticed a rainbow beside the plane.  I just kept watching it thinking surely at 500 miles per hour it wouldn’t last long but it just kept going and going.  I was reminded that when God flooded the earth and let Noah out of the Ark that he gave the sign of the rainbow as His promise that He would never again destroy the earth in that manner (Genesis 9:12-16).  It’s interesting that in this passage the sign of the rainbow is not only for us but for God as well to remember the covenant.

It was a reminder to me that God’s promises can never be out run.  They will keep going and going now matter how fast or how high you are or how you try to get away from them.  He is always there, keeping His promise to us.  He is faithful and good that way.  He can be trusted when no one else can.  He is able to be God and care for us in such a way that He shows Himself to us in the smallest ways.  His promises can never be out run.

Recently a friend of mine called me to ask a favor. He was selling a car to a Dealership and needed a ride back home to save him the 15 mile walk. He didn’t have anyone else at the time that could pick him up and the dealership is in a spot where a lot of construction is going on so it is hard to get to if you have not been there before. I have been there before, a couple of times and one of those times was about two months ago so I was familiar with the location, the area and the ordeal it is to get there. But that’s not why he called me or why I willingly went to pick him up.  All he had to do was ask.
One of my neighbors is currently out of town so I am sharing with another neighbor the responsibility of caring for their 2 dogs and a cat. Even though it is not always convenient and does take up some time, I do it gladly.  All they had to do was ask.
Next week is Thanksgiving. Emily and I will travel to be with most of her family. One of our nieces is flying into Dallas and will tag along on the road trip. The airline ticket is much cheaper to Dallas and it makes for a fun trip to have family we haven’t seen in a while go with us. The trip is long and the time is short, but none of that matters.  All she had to do was ask.
Jesus Christ came down to earth to live as a man to walk among us to teach us about how to live to demonstrate His and the Father’s love for us by dying on a cross to pay for our sins.  He wants to come into our lives and live through us.  All we have to do is ask.
See all of this is about relationship.  The reason I picked up my friend, take care of the neighbors dogs, make room for another person to travel with us, the reason Jesus gave up His life for me, is all about relationship.
I go to church and our small group because of relationship. I go to work to provide for Emily and I because of relationship. I come home and help the neighbors, let the kids play in the yard and even wrestle with a 5 year old (which by the way, I taught to use a guillotine choke and he does it well) because of relationship. I travel cross-country to see family, would do anything for my two brothers, walk our dog, feed our cat and spend time reading my Bible all based on relationship.
In this season of my life it is my only motivating factor. I spent most of my life doing it all for me and “rewards” but those reasons are now so unimportant. I do it all based on relationship. Jesus taught me that. He wants more than anything a relationship with you and me. Not some formula we use to gain some sort of favor or make our way to God. He wants to walk with you and talk with you and enter into your life, meet you where you are and teach you a better way to live.  All you have to do is ask, because without that relationship, nothing you do will matter.

It’s all about Relationship.